seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize