Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
actually, I'm a sock model
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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