Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize