these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
