Where did you get a picture of my penis
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize