Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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