he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
