One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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