sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's never too late to be topless.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize