My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
wrigley field is MILF paradise
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
