The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
