ugly people sure do ruin things
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
