R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Two words: nipple clamps
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