I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
