I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
