Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
