Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
im having a threesome with these popsicles
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize