i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
