Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
