What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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