physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
