how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
