Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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