I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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