My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
