smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
