I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
