it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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