I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
