i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize