I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
