i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
