Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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