I'm lost and stupid without you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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