im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
