so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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