I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
