Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
