if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
