you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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