we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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