Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
