I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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