Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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