After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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