So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
