i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
