so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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