Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
