we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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