There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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