..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
