Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
