I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
