remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize