just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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