During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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