I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
