I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
