Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
