I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
