woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
