Redeem this text for a blowjob
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
