I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
