I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
