So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
