my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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