I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She told me I should be a condom model.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
