I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize