My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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