nut hugger
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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