My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
